Well wow - here we are at the end of 2011. Where did this year go, exactly?

At the end of November last year (2010) I left university and strode out, once more, into the unknown. I had a vague plan of where I wanted to head, and at the end of January this year that plan kind of fizzled out. I was working on a voluntary basis in the Music department of the school I went to, the same school I worked in during my gap year. The Music department is a kind of safe haven for a number of people that don't quite fit right anywhere else, and I found this little gem of a place during my two years of sixth form. Within the walls I came out of my shell, joined the senior choir and took up piano, and so it seemed like a good place to go back to when I left uni. Fortunately, they were only too happy to have me! In February the head of the department started teaching me the cello; in June I got to go to the opera; in July I went on a taiko festival tour in Exeter. I got just as much back as I put in.

At the end of the summer holidays while I was having lunch with some members of the choir I'm a part of, I got a call from Mum telling me that someone from school had rung and wanted me to call them back. I did so and within the space of about 5 minutes had all but secured myself a temporary job, covering from a lady who did aspects of the job I'd done in my gap year.  She'd had a nasty fall and broken her arm. At the end of July I'd also been given 2 days of paid teaching assistant work, and so it happened that from September I was working practically full time. At the start of November they drew up a temporary contract, giving me a job until August 31st when they'll review the contract and (maybe, hopefully, fingers crossed) perhaps renew it.

Throughout 2011 I've struggled with loneliness. I only really have 2 friends my age but have a larger group of what I would term 'adult' friends - friends with mortgages, houses, spouses, children... With those 2 friends at uni with their own new friends and my adult friends typically busy, I've found myself pretty lonely. It has felt like I've been wandering around with a hole in my chest, right by my heart, trying unsuccessfully to find the right person to fit. There are days when I physically ache from it. Trying to meet people your own age is harder than you think, especially when you're not the kind of person to hang out in bars or clubs and you are, for the most part, without anyone to go out and do things that might lead to meeting more people.

It's been a pretty uneventful year for me on dA. I've uploaded a load less stuff than in previous years, which I guess is down to the fairly unsettled year I've had. I chose to start a picture of the day challenge on January 1st, thinking that it would go well with my love of photography. However, I found myself quickly disenchanted with what became something of a chore. I didn't give up, but my zest for taking photos on a more spontaneous basis dimmed slightly. I'm hoping my flare and inspiration will improve in 2012 and I'll be back to uploading again.

This isn't a particularly buoyant post, but then 2011 hasn't been an overly buoyant year for me. I felt the need to express myself openly and not to the faces that fill up my Facebook feed and are posting excited "Happy New Year!" exclamations. I'm hopeful that 2012 will bring more sparkle and happiness, and perhaps someone to appreciate me as much as I appreciate them. I so often feel like I crave people's company more than they crave mine (I promise I'm not always this melancholy - I am frequently pretty jovial!) and it would be nice to even things out a bit.

I shall wish you all a Happy New Year now. I hope that 2012 brings you the same joy that I'm rooting for. =]

Over and out.

~ Ladybird Lauder